Do you ever feel like you've just had the longest day ever, and you're totally and completely zonked?
It's been a big day for me. I've been out in the world for hours and the tides of change are coming -- whether I like it or not. Not only am I trying to catch my breath, but I'm trying to understand WTF just happened to my life in the chunk of eight months past. It's been a strange period of time, to say the least.
Right now, I'm like a billboard for the ultimate way to stare into space. I'm belly up with three different pillows surrounding my head, and my feet propped on a fourth. There's a breeze coming in the window, a pack of Lotus' Biscoff to my left -- "Europe's Favorite Cookie with Coffee" (err tea, in this case...these little cookies have captivated my entire household's nightly tea ritual!) with steaming tea for dipping to my right. I've got this song on by Belle and Sebastian. I'd forgotten all about that band but was reminded courtesy of a tweet from my sister, whom I should probably credit for the majority of my music taste.
And I'm freaking loving it.
I never used to be afraid of impulsive change, and I've never moved forward kicking and screaming so hard. Weeks ago, I dreamt about missing a transatlantic flight 3 times, simply because I "hadn't really finished" packing and I didn't get to the airport on time. I kept delaying.
And this is a metaphor for what, you ask!? Not moving from this place in time to catch the opportunities that are right in front of me. Ooof.
For some reason, it all feels so much scarier this time around. Apparently getting older makes it less easy to take risks, and more scary to put on a new hat. It's like my brain immediately chimes in with, "another new hat!??! this again!?" There's so much more I know about how the world can go wrong and how much it hurts to burn out. I'm so afraid of making the "wrong" choices and "derailing my life."
Which is crazy, because I'm still only 27! There's so much time to try new things, right!?
In the spirit of one of my favorite things a friend once told me: "It wouldn't be a right or wrong choice, just a different one."
So I'm just doing it. I'm doing it! I'm doing something new, very very soon.
And at the end of the day, I will make hot tea and dip the cookies. I can never regret that.